


My Stupid Valentine

by jewboykahl



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff and Humor, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25639246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jewboykahl/pseuds/jewboykahl
Summary: It's Valentine's Day in South Park, and Kyle's terrified his boyfriend, Eric, will cause a scene.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	My Stupid Valentine

Today’s the big day. Every couple in South Park is being uncharacteristically kind to one another, there are some posters and decorations around school, and I’m trying my best to avoid my own boyfriend.  
I love my boyfriend with all of my heart, but he’s retarded. Anytime there’s a special occasion, he magnifies it by a million, and I still don’t know if it’s specifically to embarrass me or if he actually enjoys being ludicrously over-romantic. For my birthday he made me get a massage while he did all my homework, threw me a huge party, sang me a song (and it was fucking One Direction), and got me a cake that was almost as tall as I am.  
I’m not ungrateful or anything like that, I’ve just never been one for PDA, and he pulls off extravagant public spectacles of affection. Maybe it wouldn’t be such an annoyance to me if I didn’t have to hear about it from Stan and Kenny for the next year, or if I didn’t blush so hard. I’m thriving on the small sliver of hope that he just bought me some candy like I did for him and we go out to dinner or something. But, knowing Eric Cartman, such a mediocre way to spend Valentine’s Day is not his forte.  
I reach my locker and half expect it to be rigged with balloons and streamers. I wince on turning the combination then pulling it open. A sigh of relief escapes my lips when I find only my materials for class and no declarations of love. I shrug off my coat and hang it on one of the provided metal hooks, allowing myself to relax at the lack of Eric putting us on a jumbo-tron and singing I Swear again.  
“Hey, Kyle,” The familiar voice greets from behind me, making me jump.  
I glance at him over my shoulder and narrow my eyes. His arms are behind his back and a cute but duplicitous smile is resting on his mouth. “What are you doing?”  
He cocks an eyebrow, “Saying hello to my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. Nervous, are we, babe?”  
“Okay, let’s just get this over with.” I sigh, turning to face him. “What big thing do you have planned for me this time?”  
Eric’s grin widens, shifting towards me and saying, “Nothing big. Why would you assume that?”  
I scoff, “Oh, I don’t know, I have no reason to expect anything ridiculous. My bad.”  
“That’s right, you greedy Jew.” He retorts humorously, and before I can smack him for his anti-Semitic remark, he reveals what he’s holding in his hands.  
“Holy shit, dude!” I exclaim in surprise. I take the concert tickets from his hand, examining them and feeling them to make sure they’re real. “I fucking love Childish Gambino!”  
Eric smirks proudly. “I know.”  
“Eric, holy shit! This is the greatest thing ever!” I cheer, then surge forward and wrap my arms around his neck. I hug him tightly as he encircles my waist in his arms.  
“God, babe, you’re embarrassing me.” Eric mutters sardonically.  
I draw back from the hug and glare at him. “Shut up.” I order before leaning forward and crashing my lips against his. My heart thumps harshly against my chest as it always does when we kiss. My chest swarms with adoration for this amazing dumbass. When we pull back I smile widely at him. “Thank you.”  
He smiles back, gorgeous brown eyes staring directly into mine. I don’t even care that anyone could see us right now. I just care about how Eric went above and beyond this holiday—without making a huge scene. “Anything for you.”  
I giggle happily and kiss his cheek, letting him go then turning to reach inside my book-bag. I pull out the box of Dove chocolates with a card attached (which I inscribed with a heartfelt message) then hand it to him with a mockingly sweet smile. “Happy V-Day.”  
“You shouldn’t have.” He says, batting his eyelashes. I chuckle and shut my locker, then take his hand in mine. “See? I didn’t do anything too crazy this year.”  
I shrug, grinning at the tickets, “I dunno, this is pretty big. You’re gonna have to not outdo me sometime.”  
“Don’t worry, I’m gonna bring myself down to a box of chocolates level.”  
I perk my head to the side. “What are you talking about?”  
Eric gives me that stupid cocky smirk that I have a love-hate relationship with, and I know that he’s about to do something that’s gonna get him punched. He throws his arms around my waist and drags me close to him, screaming, “I love you so much, Kyle, my beautiful boyfriend! You’re the cutest thing in the world!”  
“Shut the fuck up!” I counter, attempting to push him off of me as out peers begin to stare and laugh.  
“Hey, Craig,” He shouts at one of our friends. “Are you jealous because your boyfriend isn’t as cute as my boyfriend?”  
“No.” Craig replies simply.  
“Don’t lie to yourself, Tucker.”  
“Get off of me!” I growl, still trying to free myself from his grasp.  
“Don’t I just have the most amazing boyfriend in the world, you guys? I’m seriously, look how cute he is!”  
I chose to give in as this continues for a good minute before the principal comes and tells him to kindly shut the fuck up. When we finally veer off to separate classes, I swear, I can still hear his loud voice yelling about how awesome I am. It makes me smile to myself. “What an idiot.”


End file.
